Esmeralda and Diamante both enter from stage right in a hurry. Esmeralda takes off her blonde wig revealing short brown hair. She slips out of her black gown to reveal a white t-shirt and black and purple shorts underneath. She takes off her high heels and slips into a blue pair of flip-flops.
Esmeralda: My name isn’t really Esmeralda, it’s João.
Diamante: I didn’t ask.
João wanders back over to the bench, sits down, crosses his legs, places his elbow on his thigh and his chin in the palm of his hand and lets out a sigh. Diamante takes off her wig as well, revealing slicked back black hair. She tosses her dress and socks to the side, so that she is now only wearing a snug sunga bathing suit and quickly runs her hands down her body.
Diamante: My real name is Filippe.
João: Grand!
Filippe: I didn’t ask.
João: I was staring at the moon the other night.
Filippe: You shouldn’t do that.
João: Why not?
Filippe: I dunno, the light or something. It’ll make you go blind.
João: I’m pretty sure that’s the sun.
Filippe: If it were the sun, then that’s what I would’ve said.
João: Ok. Well, I was staring at the moon and it got me thinking…
Filippe: This isn’t going to end well.
João: Can I finish?
Filippe: I wish you wouldn’t.
João: Filippe!
Filippe: You’re so sensitive sometimes.
João: I was thinking, well, you know how beautiful the moon is right? I don’t have to say it, do I?
Filippe: No, I don’t think I’ve ever seen the moon before. Please tell me what it looks like.
João: You’re a gas, you know that, Filippe?
Filippe: That’s not how I would describe you…
João: So it’s so beautiful, and I was thinking romantic thoughts, and suddenly it hit me: I should get a new job!
Filippe: I told you this wouldn’t end well.
João: I was thinking maybe that’s just what I need. A new career, a new start, a new…
Filippe: Who would hire you?
João: I’m a very talented young man. Want to see what I can do with my tongue?
Filippe: Ewww, pass! Why would I want to see that nasty thing?
João: And you know how passionate I’ve always been about money. This could be the break I need!
Filippe: And what kind of work did you have in mind exactly?
João: Oh, that part doesn’t really matter, does it?
Filippe: Umm…
João: Ohh, I know, a star! I’m going to work as star!
Filippe: Maybe you should think about something that’s a little more in demand at the moment.
João: Good idea! I could be a computer star!
Filippe: Of course…
João: Filippe! Go get out your phone and start filming!
Filippe: You were serious?
João: Hurry up!
Filippe sighs and pulls his phone out of his pocket.
João stands up and turns his back to Filippe. He puts his right hand on his head while extending his left hand outwards, twirling it around his wrist. His hips slowly start rocking back and forth, up and down. Gently he brings his hands back down, brings them up and down, back and forth in waves until his whole body becomes an ocean, moving at the whim of distant lunar objects, moving to the call of a clarinet.
João’s hips thrust forward and then stop. His hips thrust to the left and stop again.
João touches the top of his head with his left hand as his right hand nearly floats away. First his left than his right leg fly out to the side and come back. His knees contort into fantastic angles and come back. He throws his left shoulder down to his hips and comes back. He throws his right shoulder down to his hips and comes back. Then he lowers both of his hands back down again and stops suddenly.
His head drops all the way down to his knees, and he sweeps the ground with his hands. The tambourine and drums start, and then he really gets into. He slowly raises himself again grinning, tears off his t-shirt and lets go altogether.
His hips go wild. His arms just barely stay out of the way. This is when his chest and shoulders start: POP-boom-boom, POP-boom-boom! They’re out of control; they’ve got a mind of their own. João is still grinning.
Doesn’t he notice? Isn’t he at all concerned? What if his hips go this way and his chest goes that way, and they completely detach from each other? But João doesn’t look the slightest bit worried.
As if this weren’t enough, his legs go flying out from under him again, first one then the other and he starts spinning in circles. Each part of his body seems completely independent from and uninterested in what the other part is doing. His stomach looks like it’s caught in a never ending earthquake; he bends backwards and shakes his short hair so that it almost scrapes the ground, then suddenly he vaults forwards into a front flip and lands in a split raises his arms into the sky and screams out with joy.
Life is beautiful!
Filippe doesn’t say anything. He turns off the camera and puts it slowly back in his pocket.
They’re both silent for a few minutes.
Filippe: Hey, João! What school did you go to?
João: What do you mean?
Filippe: I mean where did you study?
João: How should I know?
Filippe: Because you went there!
João: It was a long time ago…
Filippe: You’re not that old, João!
João: I’ve had more important things on my mind!
Filippe: I doubt it… Why don’t you check what you put on your resume?
João: My what? I don’t speak French, Filippe!
Filippe: Your resume! Jesus, João, you do have a resume, don’t you?
João: I’m a beautiful young man in my prime, and everybody loves me! What more could I possibly need to get a job? A suit? Do you think I need a suit, Filippe?
Filippe: I don’t think that’s your first priority.
João: I bet I’d look good in a suit, don’t you think? Where’s a mirror when you need one?
João gets up from the bench and starts looking around in bushes, behind trees and in a trashcan.
Filippe: If you find where I left my ouzo, let me know!
João: I know I left it around here somewhere…
Filippe’s phone starts ringing.
João: Don’t answer that! It might be Leon! I can’t talk to him like this.
Filippe: That’s great… Did you find my ouzo though? Try checking if I buried it in the grass behind the water fountain.
Filippe’s phone is still ringing. Filippe looks at it calmly before answering.
Filippe: Hello? Yes? Yes? Uh huh. Really? One minute. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Ok. Hold on. Yeah. Uh huh. I’ll go get him. He motions to João. It’s for you!
Filippe tosses the phone to João who almost drops it and glares at Filippe before answering.
João: Hello? Yes? Uh huh. This is he! Uh huh. Yes. In five minutes? Uh uh. Yeah. Sure. Where? Yeah. Yeah. What? Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok. Thank you! Ok. Ok. Ok. Great! Bye.
Filippe gets up from the bench, crouches down on all fours and starts looking around.
Filippe: This is going to drive me crazy.
João: This is crazy. I don’t know how they found me.
Filippe: I couldn’t have drank it all, could I have?
João: Do you think they saw the video you posted on youtube? Does this mean I’m going to be rich and famous?
Filippe starts digging up dirt with his hands and tossing it aside. João is pacing.
João: I’m kinda hungry… Oh, but I can’t wait! I can’t wait!
Filippe’s head is now buried in the grass and his elbows are pointing out to his sides.
João: Filippe? …FILIPPE!!
Filippe turns his head slightly towards João.
Filippe: Yeah?
João: What are you supposed to say at an interview?
Filippe: How should I know? Just don’t be too honest, ok? Make yourself look good.
João: I can’t lie at my job interview!
Filippe: Look, like the French poet Steve Jobs once said: Earnestness is for books.
João: I don’t get it.
Filippe lifts himself up from the grass, walks over to João and calmly but forcefully slaps him.
João slowly shifts his gaze from Filippe to the sky behind him.
João: Ummm… I gotta go. Bye!
Filippe: Bye!
João starts walking towards stage left. Two green lights appear in the sky and get bigger and bigger. As the lights get closer, it becomes possible to make out what appears to be the dark outline of a spaceship.
Filippe’s head is back in the grass again. The lights on the stage dim.
In Search of the Absurd 